Romancing the Camera

Jyoti Patil, a photography artist and short film maker based in Mumbai, currently pursuing higher studies in Amsterdam, recounts her experiences with an old camera seller in Hague, his reluctance to buy her camera and how that old man’s vision changed her attitude towards her medium and life.

Wanting to sell my camera I entered a studio in The Hague. It was close to the Institute I was studying in and I had been there before to get some passport photographs clicked. The old man, the owner of the studio was a cheerful person with joy of living sparking on his face – the satisfaction of having lived.

He had that deep rustic voice - loud and clear. He was large and was short for the average Dutch height. As he was engaged with another customer, I took a look at his studio. This was a man of passion. His studio had the old Lyca cameras, black and white photographs, tripods, negatives and all that could be called vintage, though related to the world of cameras, and there in one of the shelves was placed my dream camera. I looked at it and told myself – “You shall have it one day Joe”

'Happy new year', he said in Dutch, greeting me. Wishing him back, I walked to him and told him of my intention to sell the digital camera I had. He looked at me with that  'no you shouldn't be doing that' kind of a look. I said I could understand the sentiment, but that I had no attachment with the camera since I had bought it recently and that it did not seem to be worth a buy. He took the camera in his hand and said ' is the camera not good or you do not know how to operate it?” Both - I said.

He began fiddling with the camera, getting into menu, changing ISO, contrast, sharpness and every possible thing that could be changed and I kept saying I have done all of that. Finally he handed the camera back to me and said try it out for some more time and then decide if you still would like to sell it. Now that was strange. Why should he insist on I keeping it? I took the camera back. As I packed the camera back in the bag thinking of which other shop to try selling it, he said “Never think negative of your camera. It will not give you positive picture.” Hmm... I left the shop.

I remember buying this camera. It was essentially to have something to document my stay in Europe. Personally I would have loved to own a good SLR camera but that was way beyond what I could afford. So I bought this camera. There was no thrill of possessing it. I was not thrilled about opening the box and removing the camera out, nor was I excited about the first picture I took with it. It meant nothing. I expected nothing much from it and thus never bothered to read the manual thoroughly. With every picture I cribbed how inferior the quality was so much so that I avoided taking pictures from it and sharing it with anyone. How unhappy I had been about the camera. This unhappiness reflected in the way I took pictures. I was clumsy with the operations, did not bother to know more about it and did not experiment with compositions, light and shade. 

While I cribbed about the camera's performance my own performance deteriorated. I for one have never made films on high end formats. The equipment I could afford in my budget always was low end formats - VHS, Hi8. But my tools always gave me what I wanted.  I used to put my heart and soul in making the film, never bothering about the equipment or the circumstances I made the film in. The very spirit coaxed me to experiment with making films in lowest possible budget, and here I was blaming and accusing my camera. Thinking negative of it!

Mind holds on to what it wants, forgetting what is, what exists. What injustice I was doing to the present that was in the form of this camera. It belonged to me. It was the truth of the moment and I was being unjust to that moment which was. How devoid I was of the romance of the present. Of holding that beauty in my hands, moulding it to create and give shape to my vision. Passion comes with love. How could I be passionate about anything I did not love? Despising my camera meant despising my own expression.

I do not know if I love my camera or not, but yes I am sensitive towards it. I know its potential and I know it would cooperate to best of its capabilities to create what I want to create.  I know if I think positive of my camera it would give me positive results.

Love what you have is the most basic lesson the life teaches us in so many ways but still we skip the present in the hope of better. Such small principles to live with beauty and love but it’s only when we listen to the life with open hearts that such simple messages reveal their profoundness to us. I hope I remain open to life to be able to live it.